Sun Kissed Christmas. Issue #134

12/26/09 6:45 PM 35,000 ft. above the Pacific Ocean


Hope everyone had a great holiday and you got nice and fluffy like me. Too much good stuff and my usual overindulgence of cookies and holiday desserts was no different this year. I have a problem, and having a two tiered platter filled with mint-chocolate "No Bake" cookies, peanut butter squares, Ghirardelli dark chocolates, and blocks of fudge didn't help my D-list celebrity rehab recovery chances. Sigh. On second thought, this is rock blog. Should I be talking about heroin or something? My bad boo. Anyway, I'm in the air on my way home and thought I'd recall my trip while it was fresh in my head...

This Christmas was different for me due to the fact I decided to go visit my parents in Hawaii on Oahu, and was the first time my family had all been together for the holidays in 9 years. I flew in on Tuesday and for me the first day is always spent decompressing and getting used to island pace, especially since I've been going a mile a minute getting ready with pre-production for the new Kirby Krackle album. We head into the studio this next week for final tracks so it was a very nice break from the go-go-goings of that process. I love the rock, but you know what I'm saying...
First night is traditionally pizza night, and my dad stacked the cooler with Longboard Lagers (the Hawaiian equivalent of water). Also, LB has the best logo of any beer Ive ever seen hands down. My mom knows I'm a big pie freak and surprised me that night with a peach-strawberry pie with a "K" carved in the top. I don't care how old you get, stuff like that always will feel good...



My mom purchased a horse a few years ago named "Poi" and almost every day the responsibilities involved with that require her to drive over early in the morning to the local barn for cleaning, riding, and feeding. Being that I didn't make the visit to him last time I was in town, I wanted to make sure I spent some time with him and her her show me her daily life. Wednesday mornig we did just that as she showed me how to clean his shoes, how he learns to obey, and how to fill his feed buckets. I had never been on a horse, so I had the opportunity to take a short ride around the show course and learn how to turn, maneuver, and make him back up. Turns out my "Whoa!" is more effective than I thought. Maybe I'll start using it in more urban settings. Also, I was surprisingly sore after only a 1/2 hour on Poi. Shane I am not, but now have another option in my skill set to evade zombies should the apocalypse come in my lifetime. Yay for me.






That night my sister flew in and we had a great time catching up and everyone recalling old stories. She's also the only other bigger dessert freak than me in the family but constantly denied sweets unless they were "offered to her on a cute plate". What a diva! She learned from her brother I think.


Christmas eve was a day of laziness as it should be and I think the only time we left the house was to get food for Christmas morning breakfast. Think grocery prices are out of hand where you live? You don't even know till you shop in Hawaii. It's crazy and I wonder how large families make even the staples happen with regularity. Either way, you can't beat the fruit and I think over 6 days I must've consumed over 10 cans of Lilikoi juice. So amazingly good.
I really didn't put up that many decorations at my house this year, so it was nice to walk into a house my parents winter wonderland displays and nice tree up. Felt like years ago in a good way.

Christmas morning we all got up and opened presents and dealt with my mothers disturbing (but respectable) sense of humor. What I'm talking about is her going to the trouble of finding, wrapping up, then giving my brother and I posters of the tween-heartthrobs from Twilight. She thought she was very funny, and yeah it was. Normally, he and I wouldn't allow our picture to be taken holding them for her to do what she will with that digital blackmail, but you had to give it to her. For the love a...
Also, I received two black PUMA brand baby shoes with a return receipt cause "that was more fun than giving money". This is how we roll in my family. Later that night, we went to go see "Sherlock Holmes" and I completely loved it. I thought everything from the sets to the clothes to the on screen chemistry was amazing between Law and Downey. Preview for "Iron Man 2"? INSANE!






Before we called it a night we were told that Santa sent a message to all the siblings that we should be ready to get up early in the morning for para-sailing. Lump in throat? Yeah. I'm not really a skydiving kinda guy, and though para-sailing isn't that, this was a little past my comfort zone. Good to reach new boundaries though, right? I think so, and we with 6 other strangers set out on choppy water with two quintessential beach stoneys as our instructors. Yours truly was first up with the little bro and if there was any payback for his week of mental abuse...this was it. Only 2 clips held us from what could have been my best and final Olympic diving performance from 500 ft. up. It was really cool and with a snap we were flung up backwards away from the boat and into the quiet sky, legs dangling like 4 little malnourished toothpicks in the heavens. Quiet, romantic, and perfect for someone proposing. I would've but he's my brother and I had no ring. Oh well. After 10 minutes in the air pretending I was Green Lantern, Stoney #1 thought it was a good signal to let us know it was time for a descent by flicking the only cord connecting us to life violently so that the ripple reached us and shook us making the bro and I think we were gonna die. Good times. He then slowed the boat so that he dunked us in the water before requesting we land "ass first" on the boat. I though it was great and recommending anyone trying it. Except in Mexico. That's just common sense.

For our final day we managed to get a day without rain and headed out to Kalamas beach for some body boarding and sun. It was mostly overcast on the trip and I'm probably returning pastier than when I left (if that's even possible) so I made sure I enjoyed it while I could. From the water you could see down the beach to where President Obama and his family were staying for their holiday break if only for the big stretch of shore where it was obvious no one was allowed. We thought about walking down there to see if the Secret Service would jump out at us but decided not too. The whole Guantanamo thing didn't sound too good. Otherwise, boarding was bueno and the waves were decent enough to satisfy me till the next trip over.



So there you go. Now I'm flying back with an older man kicking the back of my seat in coach with an a kid turning his head across the isle towards me coughing. Yeah, baby! I'm glad I had some downtime because these next few weeks are important ones. Starting this weekend Jim, Myself, and the KK band will be heading into the big studio (finally!) to record the new album over a total of 7 days. My most ambitious project yet in terms of time allowed to do the album, and the fact that once drums and keyboard are done, it's a digital playground at my fingertips to use like I never have before. It's both exciting and daunting and everything that goes with the whole artist bit. Jim and I have been working really hard everyday over the past 3 months on making this new album a big evolution for the band, something to excite fans both new and old, and I hope to capture that on tape. Someone recently told me that great art can come out of great transition in a surprising way. Let's hope so...
Have a great and safe new years everyone! What a decade, what a year, and I hope everyone looks back at 2009 as a year of love and growth. Personally, I've found it to be simultaneously one of the best and worst of my life. It's inspiring both can exist at once...Life is amazing.


Swinging for the rafters,

KS

Mele Kalikimaka. Issue #133

The spirit of Christmas future? Let's hope not...

A short entry this week (relieved?) as I desperately need to start packing for my flight tomorrow to see my family in Hawaii. Wanna come? Ok! I wish everyone a wonderful holiday and may the only thing more bountiful than the pile of presents under your tree be the good times and love spread between friends and family. See you next week, and be good for goodness sake...




Have you seen my sandals?

KS

Bite Size And Girthy. Issue #132

Sounded better than "Sample Size And Rotund"...and twice and wrong.

"Bite Size" for the many small cool things I wanted to talk about but ended up neglecting over the past few weeks, and "Girthy" for amount of amazing food I've been sampling. Let's get to the chewy middle (prefer the edges though)....




KIRBY KRACKLE got back pictures we did for our photoshoot with L.A. native Joshua Stearns a few weeks ago and they kick Costco-size ass. Gonna wait to show the official ones when the album gets closer to release (early 2010), but above is one of the outtakes recently posted on Joshua's site. No, we're not like Slipknot now or anything, but it was taken at the end of the day and I still really like it. What was the best was that passive NW aggressiveness was in full affect as people walked around and actually many times right through that shot like nothing was going on. It seems it takes much more than some guy looking like he got attacked by a crayon in a vampire mask to get a rise these days. We're all numb...




One of the personal highlights of the Holiday season is the Jolin annual cookie making party hosted by Tim and Meg Jolin and their beautiful daughter Kate. Every year they bake up hundreds of cookies and invite folks over to make their very own holiday creations with all the fixings on hand. Blue frosting for your star? They have it. REESE'S PIECES for your house shingles? Look to your left. Bowls of edible decorations take over tables as believers of Christmas young and old are encouraged to make as many as they want. It's really fun and I'm glad I was around this year to make it.








So, last week my ear was driving me nuts. Not as in there was water in there or the plugged up way but more in the "I don't care if I rip apart my eardrum this itch needs to stop NOW". Normally, when I don't feel well I visit my naturopath I've seen for years and this time was no exception. This is why I love this place. The solution that ended up working? THE LASER. Yes, and those who know me know that anytime I can include a laser into my life...I'll do it. The laser and I have been friends for some years now. When I had throat problems earlier in the year...the laser helped. When my elbow went wonky after pulling it last year...the laser healed it. You could say we have a co-dependent relationship, and I don't care it you're right. I NEEDS IT...MY PRECIOUS. Supposedly there is a big book that goes along with this laser and after looking up what ails you, the doctor punches in the corresponding code and voila! It knows what do and how to do it. Sounds crazy I know, but guess what? After shining over my head holes for 5 minutes, the ear is still intact and mo betta. Dopeness. Thanks laser...we coo.





I've talked about my friends Britt and Vicki in UTERUS PARADE here a few times before. If you don't know who they are, Jim and I met them in Toronto when we went there promoting KK in August, and ended up getting a picture from them as a "nice to meet you" gift that was a guitar covered with giant penises. In fact, I've never posted it cause it's just too repulsive...and brilliant. So, what you need to know about Vicki and Britt is that they are horrible women. Imagine if witches were alive. They smack little kids with their purses in department stores and the sound of babies crying gives them joy. They have 6 eyes between the two of them and smell like sulfur. Also, I really like their art. This is why after chatting with them on facebook the other day for an hour (because the sound of their voice will turn you to stone), they said they had a drawing of me to share they had done during our conversation. Excited, I asked them to send it over cause #1: I've never been in a cartoon/comic before and #2: I'm possibly a narcissist. And what would my first cartoon represent as I made my debut into a cell-shaded world? Well, it turns out they think I'm repressed and the reason I got a divorce is because I'm gay. Thanks, guys. Thanks. Whenever the US wants to invade Canada is fine with me. See more of their monstrosities HERE.




If you follow my twitter stream (www.twitter.com/kylebstevens), you probably think I do nothing sometimes but drive around and eat pastries all day. I wish. Instead, I just really like taking pictures of food. Like people who take pictures of their shot game on hunting trips, I like to document my conquests. This past week I had some of the best "eating out" selections I've had in while, and as a wannabe foodie, I thought I'd share in case anyone is looking for something new to try.

First off, FAMOUS DAVE'S. Yeah, I know it's "The Olive Garden of BBQ" but I don't care. It's amazing. I'm a condiment man and if your idea of a free appetizer is sampling the six different BBQ sauces straight from bottle-to-spoon, then you're gonna be in heaven. Seattle isn't very receptive to new BBQ establishments (they keep shutting down) so if it takes a chain to get my fix then that's what it'll be. I recommend the BBQ chicken nachos. *uurrrp*





I love pie. Not much more I can say to get that point across, so when I heard the latest press push in the home-style hype surrounding the new SEATTLE PIE COMPANY I knew I had to make it over to Magnolia to try it for myself. Opening the doors, I was greeted by the warm buttery smell of ovens doing what they do best and felt like I was walking into my grandma's house, minus the reminder that I "better not have my hat on". The owners are a very sweet couple that began chatting me up and I could tell they really liked what they did, and knew they did it well. Nothing wrong with that. All the reviews said to try the Meatloaf sandwich so I knew that was a no brainer, but the choice on pie was overwhelmingly difficult. Banana, chocolate, peanut butter, coconut...all with filling about 2 1/2 inches high. Fruit pies of all traditional flavors with picture perfect crust. I ended up going for the Strawberry Rhubarb (my favorite) and I have to say it truly was the best pie I've ever had...other than my grandma's (subjective much?). The meatloaf sandwich truly was THE BEST I have ever had and I would highly recommend it to anyone. I can't wait to go back and feel it's worth the new pants I know are coming in the new year cause of it.


Other than stuffing my face I've been really busy in The Orange Room (my studio) for the past week everyday finishing up the demos for the new KK album. Just about to receive the finished cover art as well which I cannot cannot cannot wait to share when the time is right. Good things to come!

Booyah,

KS

Cracky. Issue #131

Yes, this is a blog first and foremost about my adventures (and misadventures) in music, the kingdom of the bar chords, and the joy they have brought me...therapy bills and all. Still, every now and again I have an experience that turns my agenda of a week's post topic on it's proverbial head. What was to be a depiction of the challenge of writing for a specific audience for the new Kirby Krackle disc has been trumped by something much more topical and perhaps more important for society as a whole; a kind of "where were you when?" moment for the reader. Cause yes my friends, last Tuesday a dream came true in this suburban white boy's heart. This past Tuesday...










I was offered crack.









I know, I know. You're thinking, "Why was he deserving?". I would tell you if I knew. God, how I've asked myself everyday since and questioned my self worth, but it's not for me to answer. I'm not the lord (Dane Cook). I'm also truly not making light of one of our top societal ills. It's a product that causes disease in many of our rural and urban communities, but for a bespeckled white boy from North Seattle raised during summers on a steady diet of Dr. Dre's "The Chronic", Chris Rock stand-up, and MTV...let me have this moment please. Thanks boo. Like I said, I was offered crack. Apple Jacks, Baby T, Bazooka, Beemers, Bangs, Biscuit, Bullion, Bump, Casper The Ghost; call it what you will but I came face to face with two French Fries and a Golf Ball (that means three rocks). Let's start at the beginning...


I had caught the late showing of "The Road" with a friend in downtown Seattle; a book-turned-movie by Cormack McCarthy depicting the post-apocalyptic journey of a boy and his father narrowly escaping cannibals, starvation, and falling trees everywhere they go. Oh, yeah, and it stars Aragon. Ladies...you like? Anyways, the movie got out late and after 2 hours of the most depressing visuals/human interactions you have ever seen on the big screen, your perspective is a more normalized and glimpses are had of such things like money doesn't really matter (it doesn't), and all life is precious (it is). Sad it takes a movie to do that for us more and more, but that's a different post. Moving on...


So, exiting the warm and buttery theater into the cool and crisp night we were greeted by a homeless gentleman who kindly and non-aggressively asked us if we could spare a dollar. Thinking I knew I had a dollar in my wallet, he was nice, had a yellow hat, I liked Curious George, and a few other things...I reached into my back pocket to pull out the paper. The following could be referred to as "slow motion morality". As I was removing my wallet we had brief small talk and via touch alone pulled out the dollar for the man. As I reached out my hand containing the dollar and put it into his, my eyes saw that it was in fact a 5 dollar bill I was giving him. The dilemma here of course was that the cheap ass in me didn't want to give the man a 5 dollar bill, but the kid raised on Mr. Rogers and forced to hide from mentally disabled people when they came to the front door (?) knew I couldn't take it back. The damage was done, and I knew I had lost it. I must have looked happy enough faking my generosity because the man gave me a huge toothless smile and his what I'm sure was mid-70's year old eyes lit up when he realized it wasn't just a plain old dollar.


"WOW!", he exclaimed. "It must have been really hard to give that up!"

If you only knew, dude.

"Thanks A loooooot man!".

And that's when it happened...

"Here...Have some crack!!!"



HOLY SHIT.



My paw still out after giving him the cash, I saw them in the palm of his hand as he opened it up and produced three tiny little crack rocks that looked like broken baby teeth. Maybe looked more like baby monkey teeth, I don't recall...it's been a while since the congo. After I guffawed not too quietly with the pride of an inner 10 year-old who couldn't wait to tell all his friends at summer camp that he saw the assistant teachers bra when she bent over, I became horrified; not so much about the crack itself, but that it was stuck to the palm of his turned over hand like spiders walking on the ceiling. His palm actually was shiny and God knows what kept them attached with the gravity of heavens Earth pulling down on them but there they were.


After saying a very brief and sheltered, "No thank you', we walked away quickly. This must have been cultural though (my new default answer for all insanity I can't process) because he started following us insisting that he wanted us to have them. Truly, I believed he did and though very persistent, eventually figured out he had crossed the borders of no trespassing in his cracky world that the bluebird warriors had erected in his honor during the siege of The Cheesecake Factory. Responsible he was to his oath. I would have accepted his gift with my new outlook of trying not to be a rude douche from time to time, but I knew that might make this post kinda weird and thus abstained. Yeah right, I can barely drink coffee without losing my mind. Crack = no bueno por moi.


The most bizarre thing to happen to me in the past 4 months besides that which must not be named? Yep, there it is. I did have few other things that I wanted to touch on this week, but they can wait till next. Like rejecting the offer of mint gum after a horribly rank yet delicious pesto panini, I'm gonna choose to let this one fester for a while.


And kids and kids with adult parts, don't do drugs. Seriously, and not in the sarcastic or jokey way. Even if you don't have self-respect, maybe think twice if only because your don't want someone to write a blog about you offering them crack 10 years from now. Remember, the internet is forever.




Why I'm in trouble for potential future hiring,


KS

Mountains Of Stuffing...Mountains Of Pain. Issue #130

I hope everyone had a great holiday with their friends and family, and the only thing more paralyzing than potential family passive aggressiveness was the amount of stuffing you ate. Mmmmm...gravy in my mouth hole! I had a nice weekend with the family flying over via the pineapple express and shacking up at my place for a few days. I learned how to make cranberries, get petrified mashed potatoes off a bowl, and wake my brother up via pots and pans banging above his head. Mean yes, but a moment of personal growth all should try once if you don't mind a sleep encrusted Puerto Rican coming at you right after...






I also became obsessed again with a new iphone app called "'Stachetastic" that lets you put beards on people. No one is safe!






The day after Thanksgiving we dragged our gordoness out of bed at 5:00 AM to hit the slopes for some snowboarding action up at Mt. Baker. Last year I had only managed to get to the snow once so I was itching to see if I still had skills, if you could call them that. Being that it was my first time up at Baker I was blown away with the scenery and the mountains that seemed like you could reach out and touch them. Way less packed than the regular destination Stevens, we suited up and purchased our tickets with the quickness and made our way to the chair lifts to head up the pinnacle. I'm really glad I took my camera and below is the view I had while hoping that the small metal cable didn't break above me...







When we got to the top of the summit we de-chaired without falling (YES!) and began our decent. What we found though was that the dreamland fresh powder we expected to curve in and out of was replaced by the stinging pain of the greek god Boreas and the landmines of ice rocks ready to impale you with the slightest fall. And fall we did. During the first 10 minutes we each hit the ground harder than we ever previously had and it was not unlike hitting concrete full speed. Now, I know rock guys don't even like to get their hair messed up (rustle our locks before a show and you'll feel the seething skinny bitterness), but I can and have taken some pretty nasty falls and walked them off. I kinda bounce. Not like this though. After my board slipped out from under me and the laughing ice slammed into my tail bone leaving me in a writhing middle-ground between crying and laughing, I decided I and my sore ass was done for the day. Walk of shame down the mountain? Yeah, but worth it cause I had a show the next day. The father busted his wrist up pretty bad as well and in a few hours looked like a mickey mouse hand which left me realizing it was no bueno for me to risk it. Responsible choices regarding bodily harm? My 30's are officially here I guess. Sigh. It's ok though because a few Arrogant Bastards in the Lodge made the world right and all forgiven...as long as I don't sit down. *tear*




That show I was referring to? Kirby Krackle bassist (and as shown talented singer/songwriter) Scott Andrew and I threw down in Ballard at the KISS CAFE for a night of stories and songs. Even thought it would be fun to pull the ol' Michael Jackson "Billie Jean" cover out which is always a blast to surprise new folks with. I had a great time, and the set consisting of songs from the past 5 years of projects and albums went down like this...

Sun Takes You Home (Collider)
Better (Laymans Terms)
Meet Me on The Stairs
Always Remember
I Never Missed You More Than When I Was Not Around
Mexican Jail
Leave The Light On
Fred Meyers
This Is Not A Love Song
Sparkle And Fall
Matches In The Walls
Tonight
The Last Time I Was Bored
Hey Jealousy
Pigs
Vouch For me

(KIRBY KRACKLE set)

Counting On YOu
Up, Up, Down, Down
Back To The Beginning
Vault 101 (new song)
Naked Wii
Villain Song
Marvelous Girls
One Of The Guys

Billie Jean


On Sunday, KK partner Jim Demonakos and I went and had a photo shoot with our in town for the weekend L.A. residing photographer badass Joshua Stearns at Gasworks Park. The last press shots and album graphics we had shot took place in a comic shop, and now that most people know that that's what we're about we decided to get out in nature. By nature I mean stepping over guys in sleeping bags and feeling like heroin was all over everything I touched. Soaked them in Purell I did. Because of what Kirby Krackle is in essence, we have a pass to be a little goofier than other bands...and get away with it (hopefully). The "traditional" band shots (I can still here my mother telling me to remove my hands from my pockets 15 years ago) of course were snapped, and then things got crazy. Somehow the shoot morphed into battle scenes where we were attacking each other with ukuleles and crane kicks to the point if they end up being the shots we use people won't be surprised if we break up in the next 3 months. Hardcore yo, and a lot of fun.




Back on track with finishing up the arrangements on the new KK album after the holiday hijinks. Gonna try to avoid the malls for the next month and not let my issues get triggered regarding middle-age overly narcissistic white women in SUV's being ridiculous bent on getting their "holiday hair". Try is the word.


98% spell check accuracy since 2007,

KS