How to Clear A Dance Floor. Issue #127

I'm happy to announce my final all-ages show for the year on Saturday, November 28th, at the KISS CAFE in Ballard. I know, I know, the all ages shows have been slacking this year but I hope to make it up to the haters at this one. Kirby Krackle bass player SCOTT ANDREW is opening for me and kicking the evening off sexy as only he can at 8:30 with his fun up-tempo songs and infectious laugh. I'll be drawing the set from my solo material and all my albums over the past 5 years including Laymans Terms, Collider, and Kirby Krackle. Maybe even a few few choice covers to get your Stipe on. If you have never been to the cafe before, it's a fun place where dogs are allowed and where I feel lies the best bottled beer selection in the city. The sandwiches are grub worthy as well. I like to consider it one of my hangouts so it's kinda like doing a show in my living room, minus the whole taking your shoes off and leaving a quarter on the hutch. Vacuum bags aren't cheap you know. We did a show there last year the same weekend and it was a blast and packed, so get there a bit early if you want a seat, stool, or strangers lap. I know a few willing to be taken. Not creepy...


This past weekend I was honored to be asked to do the reception music and perform at my friend's Todd and Raechelle Downing's wedding. The wedding took place in West Seattle in a venue called "The Sanctuary". It's a refurbished 1920's home that has gone back and forth it sounds like between being a private residence and a public rental hall. Really old woodwork and seemingly original antique banisters, window frames, and stage gave it a really nice old romantic feeling much like a movie. That works out good for Todd being a director, and the man behind the camera for many of my performance videos you see on the KK site. When they asked me to write a song for the wedding I wanted to do something that sounded like a lullaby and came up with a song called, "Leave The Light On". Having gone through many things in their lives before meeting each other, I liked the idea of each of them being the others "lighthouse" as they navigate through their lives. It actually turned out to be one of my favorites I've written this year even though it's really simple and not too long...and is on ukulele. Doesn't sound Hawaiian though, more like a music box. I'll be recording it soon and putting it up on my site for ears curious. They even had an artist doing caricatures...


All in all the wedding was magical and filled with love in the air the whole night. There was an incident though that left me wondering if I was really there or in a coma creating it all in my head. Let me explain...

The couple asked me to DJ their wedding (i.e. be the official iPod wrangler) to which I said no problem. They supplied me with a list of songs to grab online if I didn't have them in my collection and after a 2-hour iTunes shopping spree the playlist was complete. Well, almost complete. I needed to start filling in the list so we wouldn't have repeats, and so I started scouring my iPod library for only killer, no filler. Ryan Adams? Check. Replacements? Why not? When all was said and done, I noticed that there wasn't much dance music for the hoochie mommas. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the songs that take a great family party to the next level when the tracks hit; the beats that bring music lovers together regardless of age or musical taste and release dance moves that make you think, "Man, I thought she was a good girl?". We all have an inner freak dancer.

Knowing this, I put together a side dance mix just in case the night went that way but first asked Todd if I could release my secret weapon, Digital Underground's "The Humpty Dance". First released in 1990, the song has always been a sure fire crowd pleaser and something that can't really be followed in a mix. The breaking of a fever if you will. I asked my wedding party masters and was told it wasn't that kinda of party which I understood, but just in case anyone needed a chance to "do the hump", it was there to be had.


Fast forward 3 days later and the post dinner dance party was under way. Todd and Rachelle were on the floor, and the conga line broke out 3 songs in so you knew it was gonna be a fun night. Being the keeping of the iPod, it was my job to take requests from older ladies to "turn it down" followed by 30-somethings asking me to "turn it up" throughout the night. Part of the job mang. Things were going great and then my vice "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" hit the speakers and THE FREAKS CAME OUT. Shoes were off, ties were on the side of dudes heads, and great aunts who thought it was a new Tina Turner single were snapping and smiling. Who doesn't think that's one of the greatest songs of all time?! I digress...
What I'm saying is is that the moment had come to take it to the next level and with submarine-esque evasive maneuvers I ran to The Classic to cue up secret-weapon dance mix.

The wedding DJ who yelled at me in 2002 for requesting Snow's "Informer" cause "He doesn't play that shit" would have been proud. (?). Beyonce was followed by Timberlakes "Sexy Back", followed by Arrested Development's "Tennessee", followed by Naughty By Nature's "O.P.P." followed by Nelly's "Hot in Herre" and so on...

I was running out of booty shakers so I put my hand on Todd's back and asked/yelled in his ear over the music permission to release "Humpty Dance". By this time time I had enjoyed a few of his beverages and and excited to give birth to what I felt like at the time was my "Manhattan Project", my "Ace In The Hole". If I were Steve Jobs it would be my "One More Thing...". Given the ok from the president, I cued up the song knowing that we were reaching the breaking point and something that would be really funny (to me). I pressed play and 5 seconds into the song...









THE DANCE FLOOR CLEARED.









WTF?! Huh? *Pinch*Who doesn't like "The Humpty Dance"?! That's like hating Oprah. It's like hating Christmas cookies cause "they're delicious". It makes no sense.

Above the sliding bass line I could only hear my friend JD laughing and pointing at me, possibly at the wind leaving my deflating sails or at my jaw now laying on the ground. Head down, I took the walk of shame back to my table and looked around in disbelief. People were still having a great time, the party was still one of the best weddings I've been to, but alas no one was singing about "getting busy in a Burger King bathroom" like I had dreamed of. Sipping my Belgian ale and people watching, the song ended to be followed by Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson" from which the dance party resumed. It appears again that when given the chance, Garfunkel trumps Tupac (did you know he was in that group?) every time. The universe is a tricky mistress, and this young jedi has much to learn...

This weekend I'm on the road with EXPLONE for a few dates in Roslyn, WA and Moscow, Idaho. Check their site for details! It will be cold, and it will rock.


Pronounced with an Umpty,

KS